Pushed to the limits?

Oh what a month (or year I should say) it has been!!!  Anyone else feel like life has been pushing them to the limits this year?  

This has quite literally been one of the hardest years of my life, and more specifically this past month.  But I have a feeling, a lot of people might say the same.  

Also a reason I have not written in quite a few weeks now. 

Sometimes I want to put a blanket over my head and wait for it all to go away.. the gosh darn stress, COVID, school’s being like prisons, people being mean and so snippy… all of it.  (You know what, I’m going to add here… we are all stressed and all snippy at times right now, I’m sure. So if you, stranger, have been snippy to me, and I to you, can we have a little grace for each other? Thank you.)

But the hardest thing for our family has been the lack of any kind of support for our special needs son.  It has hit us HARD! And made this Mama start to feel like she is losing her mind, as I am his one-on-one care attendant (24/7), behavior therapist, teacher (when he lets me) as well as a mom to 3 other little boys. 

We are also watching him regress, behaviorally and cognitively, right before our eyes.  This is heart breaking and gut-wrenching. 

So what now? How can I see the light? How do I snap out of this weird depression thing that’s going on with me?? I’ve never in my life struggled with depression.  But here we are, and I’m really starting to wonder if that’s what this might be.  

I know that I need prayer, lots of it! As we all do!  I texted my family, I messaged a friend, and asked them to pray.  It felt selfish actually, to ask for prayer, when I know we are NOT the only ones suffering here. But God tells us to pray for each other, and prayer changes things! 

I’m sure they all did pray because I’m feeling better actually.  It’s a rollercoaster journey over here, for sure. 

Moment by moment, really. 

I want to thank all of you who have prayed, who have sent encouraging messages, who have mailed or sent a little something to brighten my day! It means the world that we have people out there that care!  I know God sends you to be a little blessing in our life, and I am SO grateful! I hope that we can be a blessing to you back, some way, somehow. 

So God is allowing me to be pushed… I don’t like it…. haha!  

But do we ever really like working out and exercising WHILE we’re doing it, and it feels like we are just going to collapse? (ok, some of you weirdos do, but most of us don’t)  But we LOVE the end result, right, when we see the results of where pushing ourselves further has brought us.  

In the same way, I know God is allowing this in order to grow my character and have me become completely reliant on solely Him. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”- 2 Corinthians 12:9

A couple months ago I was in the shower and God gave me a scripture, just for me at that moment.  Is that weird?  Sometimes the Holy Spirit does that, He will put on your heart a scripture (or scriptures) that He wants you to remember and take for yourself for a specific time; to read, meditate on and live by. God had the Bible written FOR US after all, so every word is specifically written for us. 

Anyway, the scripture was Psalm 23.  Read it! It’s so good! You’re not going to read it right now are you?  Here it is then:

1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

2  He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

for his name’s sake.

4 Even though I walk

through the darkest valley,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

forever.

He provides all of our needs, He gives us REST, He guides us on the righteous path, He COMFORTS us, He honors us, He loves us and RESCUES us!  

I need ALL of that, can I get an Amen??  Maybe I should just have this tattooed on my arm so I see it everyday….  

I hope those verses encourage you today as well! 

If you are following our journey, here is an update on our little Amos life: 

The twins turned 3 this month! How this happened already, i don’t know. We had a small family party for them, and it was so good to celebrate these sweet little boys, who I am so glad to call mine!  They are the best of friends, and are becoming quite hilarious as well. 

🥰🥰

Liam went up to Boston Children’s Hospital for an MRI and ECHO on his heart to check for any abnormalities or concerns.  It was mostly good news; no pressure on his brain, things looked “expected for a child with Sanfilippo Syndrome”…  (good news, but actually not good news..?)  His heart looked great, which is super!   

All our boys started new schools this year in a new school district. I hated doing this because we absolutely LOVED their school they were in for the past couple years.  Liam started school in a “learning development center” within a public school.  His transition has been difficult.  Not being in a school for the past 6 months, never mind a new school, has made this really hard for him.  We are starting with just half days to begin with to see if that helps his transition.  

Tucker was supposed to start his new school with the hybrid model, going in 2 days a week and remote the rest.  Unfortunately, we have realized rather quickly that this will not work out for our family and schedule, so I will be homeschooling Tucker this year! Woah, never thought I’d be a homeschool Mom!  

I’m actually pretty excited about it! I can see that sometimes we are pushed to do things we didn’t expect to do or didn’t want to do, and it can actually turn out that, who knew, God knows us better than we know ourselves! 😉  Is this Him “guiding me on the right paths”? Hopefully! Haha! 

Oliver started PRESCHOOL this year!! Oh my gosh, my heart can’t even handle the cuteness!! I feel like he is VERY young, but he will be receiving speech therapy, physical therapy and occupational therapy there, and I am so happy about that! It is literally the cutest thing ever to see him walk into school with his backpack on, just about the size of him.  He loves it, enjoys his space, and to get to do his own thing during those couple hours a day. 

Tobey will be following suit, starting at the same preschool this week! They will be in different classrooms, and Tobey will only be going a couple days a week.  But he is super excited to go to school; he has been pretty jealous of his twin going without him last week. 

I am so grateful for my husband, we are teammates in all of this craziness. Marriage is not easy peasy with this kind of family situation, but we know this is just a season, and we will have each other’s backs always. We try to fit in a date night as much as we’re able; tonight happened to be one of those nights and it was so nice!

I am going to bed tonight with a grateful heart, for all of YOU, for my amazing family, and for my Savior Jesus, who rescues me every. single. time. that I need Him to. ❤️